Happy new darling! I hope that January has been treating you well so far.
So I have been seeing a lot of videos on TikTok and Instagram centered around being that girl this year and how to achieve it. First, let me say that you are already that girl. You made it into a new year, you are breathing and that’s enough. The act of living is tough, you don’t always have to be on all the time. Second, it’s okay to want more for yourself. Be honest and clear about what you want and move forward with getting it. Third, if you don’t know what you want that is okay too. Make this year about discovery. Breathe, you will get through it.
Over the last few years, I have developed some habits that help me stay balanced and at peace. In the spirit of the new year, I would love to share them with you. If you are looking for some new habits to pick this year let’s get into it.
It’s not every hour social media.
Have dedicated time off social media. I do this as soon as I wake up. The first two hours of my day are dedicated to prayer, worship, cleaning, getting ready for the day, and making breakfast. Honestly, it can be anything as long as it’s not social media. That’s the only rule.
Soms Pro-Tip: Start with baby steps. Start with 45 minutes, then one hour, two hours, etc. If not in the morning, do it at night. My little says that’s harder but if you’re built like that then pop off.
Form a healthy relationship with food.
Set timers for yourself if you forget to eat. One for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. If you are a snacker, set a timer for that too. Having a healthy relationship with food is important. If you don’t have a healthy relationship with food, take the time to discover why. OH MY GOODNESS, I remember many days in college where I wouldn’t eat until ⅚pm and that would be my only meal of the day. My body would be shaking, it was so bad. Now after college I still get caught up in my work and do that plus I treat food as a reward instead of a necessity. Which is something I am working on. Those reminders have truly helped me and I hope they help you.
Create your happy place.
Mine is my apartment. I have started decorating it for myself and not others this year and it is wonderful. It all began when my psychiatrist asked me to describe my happy place. While doing that I found myself at such ease so I decided to take it a step further. I went to the painting section at Home Depot, picked out the colors I saw in my head, and started redecorating my apartment. My psychiatrist also advised me to get sensory toys to help with my anxiety and keep them in my living room. I want to invest in a sun lamp because these cloudy, cold days are rough for me. My apartment is the place where I spend the most time so why not make it my actual happy place. Plus decorating or others was a scam because I don’t invite people over like that. Plus people-pleasing is not the way to live life.
Being needy has bad marketing if you ask me. Don’t become codependent but don’t be afraid to ask for what you want. There can be a balance to it. Ask for facetime dates, breakfast dates, whatever your cup of tea is for quality time while respecting people’s boundaries. At the end of the day, you need community. If you don’t want to hang out with people at least go to public places to feel the vibe of a community. Like second-hand smoke, go work at a coffee shop, go to brunch alone, a library, etc. Isolation can be very seductive but don’t be pulled in for too long. We are social beings so make time for some community.
Soms Pro Tip: When you communicate your needs and the people around you don’t step up, it’s time to review the relationship. Check in on them to see if they are okay, discuss where you both are falling short and if you want to continue the relationship. I think we should normalize friendships having different seasons with intentionality.
Be gentle with yourself.
Enough is enough. Feelings are friends, not food. It’s okay to be sad, mad, happy, etc. It’s not okay to brush whatever you’re feeling under the rug for it to explore on some random human. Don’t rush the feelings you are going through. Heal through them. Ask for help, space, whatever you need. Words from the wise Kacey Musgrave “healing doesn’t happen in a straight line,” yes but it can start when you acknowledge what it is you are going through. It’s a tough world out there, you don’t need to be tough on your self too. It’s going to be okay, breathe and take it one day at a time.
Take the time off darling.
I live by the motto “YOLO” just kidding. I live by the saying “working to live” instead of “living to work.” Finding the balance can be hard especially if you are new to a role and want to make a great impression. With that being said, take the time off anyway. It can be one personal business day a month if that is available to you. Use your vacation days to book the trip. If you are sick, allow yourself to be sick and rest. The company will still be there when you get back. Take the time off to cater to your needs and wants.
Reconnect with your inner child.
Go back to the hobbies that you enjoyed growing up. They didn’t disappear you just stopped doing them. Why? Probably because the world forced you to grow up or you outgrew it? Whatever the reason might be I encourage you to try and reconnect with your inner child anyway. Find new ways to work out, is it lifting weighting or pilates every day? Try tennis, badminton, take a dance class, pick up painting, take a cooking class, learn to play an instrument, etc.
It’s a new year and it doesn’t have to be like the year before and one before that. You get to chose what you want to do with your time. So be gentle with yourself, be consistent with your goals, try new things, ask for help and space when you need it, be kind to others, and don’t forget to smell some roses.
Until the next time darling,
Thank you to Audra Beaty for proofreading this piece.