All of my life I have been single..well except for that one time I jumped into a relationship my freshmen year of college *inserts a yikes GIF here*. I’m joking. He was great but I wasn’t in the mental state of being in a relationship,so we had to let that go. Because that was my very first relationship, I got used to having someone to go to at the end of every day to complain about my crazy teacher’s assistants, my job, how life was against me, etc.very quickly. After we split, I went through phases which included loneliness, wondering if something terrible was wrong with me, and constantly questioning my worth. Slowly it became a very dark time in my life, not only because I was single but also because a lot of changes were happening,and I just couldn’t deal with them.

Two years have passed and I have become content in my singleness, which is all thanks to a lot of therapy, wise friends, and countless adventures in Austin. After the healing, I realized that I was the problem. I was trying to find my worth in relationships, and since it didn’t work out with the first guy, I was determined to find another one. I was running away from my problems, thinking that a relationship would numb the pain or at least distract me so I could just ignore my problems. The cherry on top was that I didn’t love myself and did I know how to, so no wonder I was so miserable. While discovering self-love, I found my worth and gained amazing friendships along the way. It wasn’t easy. I had to allow myself to be vulnerable with myself to realize that I was the problem,which was scary at the time. Looking back, I’m glad I did. The first step in any healing process is always the hardest, but the journey that follows is always memorable.

Now, I’m focused on being a better me than the day before. I am trying new things at least once a month. I treat myself if I am having a bad day…okay if I am being honest,I treat myself even on the good days. And on the really bad days, I recite Song of Solomon 4:7 and remind myself that I am in the process of becoming a Proverbs 31 woman. I follow that up with my favorite episode of Gossip Girl and a Naruto marathon and then I am ready for the next challenge that comes my way.

Okay, that’s me and my singleness. Now below is an interview with Alyssa Honora about her and her singleness.

Enjoy!

Are you actively looking for a relationship?

“Yes, because it would be nice to find a mate right now in college instead of being single at 35 years old.”

What are some emotional stages you went through or are going through with being single if any?

“There are stages. There is angry, then let’s be wild followed by acceptance. It’s been two years and I am finally accepting it. Now I am okay with being single.”

Do you feel pressure to be in a relationship, whether it’s from your close friends, parents, society, etc?

“Not really, but sometimes from friends because they have boyfriends. Like hanging out with my girlfriend turns into hanging out with them and their boyfriends which turns me into a third wheel. Nowadays, there’s isn’t a giant pressure from society because there is an independent wave vibe going around.”

If you are or were looking for someone, what qualities would you want them to have? Do you have those qualities?

“A sense of humor is number one, tall, athletic, chill, don’t be uptight. When I let my guard down I can be weird,and I would like someone who is okay with being goofy. Yes, I have these qualities.”

What is the difference between courting, and dating?

“You mean talking and dating? Courting is I meet you in a place and you are trying to date them. After those few dates, we choose to actively date and it is official. Dating and being in a relationship is the same thing to me.”

Are you dating for marriage or just having fun?

“Ahhh nah dawg, for marriage.We in this for the long hall.”

What is some advice you can give to the singles out here in these streets?

“Don’t get discouraged if you have been single for a while because God has a different plan for everyone.”

Until next time my darlings!

-Soms!