Hello my darlings and happy NEW YEAR’S!  I hope that everyone had a great holiday season last year and is ready for 2019 because time will not wait on you…ever.

Looking back to 2018, also known as the fastest year of my life, I can honestly say that it was one of the best and toughest years of my life thus far. The one lesson I can bring into the new year is that: time will go on with or without you. Sounds super cliche because you hear this all the time but it’s different when you actually take time and actually think about that short sentence. You lost your job, they will hire someone to replace you and time will move on. The guy or girl you liked romantically didn’t like you back, guess what, time will move on with or without you and that is just life. It sucks because people go through different battles every day and some are tougher than others but my statement still stands that time will move on with or without you.

Let me give you a personal example. So I have been through a little thing called depression (that shit hurted) and although I have dealt with my depression as in gone to therapy, talked to helpful people, gotten to know my triggers, etc. I still have some moments where I fall back into a pit of darkness. Whenever this happens I go back to my old ways of secluding myself from my community, drowning myself in as much Netflix and Hulu as I can, my room becomes a mess, and my blinds are closed for days.

When I am in that place, I feel as if time has almost stopped, either I’m numb or in pain so that’s my only focus but guess what’s happening beyond my bedroom doors? Life; time is still moving, I’m just not moving with it. The final stage of me being in that place is self-sabotage. I usually don’t speak for everyone because I haven’t lived their battle,  but I do speak for everyone when I say that we have all participated in self-sabotage. Google defines it as- “behavior that creates problems and interferes with long-standing goals and the most common self-sabotaging behaviors are procrastination, self-medication with drugs or alcohol, comfort eating, and forms of self-injury such as cutting.” Other behaviors can be intentionally putting yourself down, not eating or not eating enough, punishing yourself like examples given by Google, giving up and so much more. There are so many ways that people can be self-sabotage in their own personal twisted ways but my point stands. TIME WILL NOT WAIT FOR YOU!

By now I  hope you’re thinking, “Soms, how do you get out of this pit of darkness?” Well, I am glad you asked. Here is how I get through my relapses of depression.

• I practice self- care: There is more to this than just getting my hair done, or buying something I want. When I say self-care I mean it in a mental, spiritual, and physical sense; in other words, I check in on myself. I ask myself questions and journal the answers. Mentally, I ask myself, how am I feeling and why, when did I start feeling this way (this helps me pinpoint what triggered me into the funk). Spiritually, I ask myself when is the last time I was in the word also known as the Bible, the last time I had a quiet time,  listened to worship music, and was in a community. Physically, I ask myself when is the last time I actually did something active that wasn’t walking to class. I don’t work out every day but I like taking walks so that’s as physical as it gets for me but we on the come up 2019, believe dat! And then of course after all of that I treat myself to a small treat or a big treat, depends on much I have in my bank account. I find it important to check in on myself first before treating myself because back in the day I would buy things to make myself feel better as a way to ignore my feelings and speaking from experience that won’t work and those feelings will catch up with you.

• I lean on my community. I open up to a trusted friend or two and let them into what it is that I am going through. It sounds cheesy but there is such a comfort in knowing that someone knows that I am struggling and it takes away the feeling of going through that battle alone.

• I clean my room. Cleaning my room is so therapeutic in the most amazing ways. It’s almost like the cleaner my room gets the less cluttered my mind becomes. I also do this with no music because I know, with music I will get distracted by a dance party.

• Pray. If you didn’t know, I do have a relationship with God so prayer is apart my daily routine. When I am in a funk, I am honest with God that I going through something but I am very surface level with it. I am also not as quick to pray so when I’m finally getting out of the funk, I go in depth of how I’m really feeling. Which is also why I clean my room with no music because throughout cleaning my cluttered room, I praying at the same time. Letting God into my battle(s), surrendering all control to Him is always so amazing because I feel like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders and I do that through prayer.  

• Get back into my routine. I don’t have a set morning or evening routine like the ones on Youtube or one like Oprah but I do have one. I like consistency, so when I break that, life gets a little wild. My morning routine consists of me waking up early (8 A.M. on a good day, on a lazy day 10 A.M.), getting ready (shower, brush my teeth, skin routine, hair, picking a cute fit, finish it off with some lip gloss) and then show up approximately 15 mins late to class because I get breakfast on the go. On a very good day, I wake up earlier and have time to get breakfast so I am not late to class. My evening routine is not as heavy, I shower, brush my teeth, do my skin routine, put on my pajamas on, PRAY, and then put on a show on either  Netflix or Hulu for background noise and go to sleep.

• Lastly, I open my blinds. Letting light into my room automatically brightens up my day and mood.  Vitamin D really does something to a person so get your vitamin D if you’re lacking.

Well, now you know my pick me ups for when I am down. Obviously, these are things that work for me so it might be different for you which is OKAY! We are all different so what works for me might not work for you.

In this new year, let’s practice healthy habits like self-care. It’s important to check in on yourself daily in order to identify your triggers, so when life happens you don’t just shut down, instead, you notice what’s going on and then you react accordingly…in a healthy way. Don’t brush your feelings under the rug because they will come out one way or another. Talk to a friend and if what you are dealing with is way above your pay grade, seek professional help. It can be expensive but if you are a member of a church, ask if they provide free counseling or sponsor people to get counseling. To my college students out there, use your resources on campus wisely. I know at Tech there are free therapy sessions available to you, all you have to do is walk in, sign up and then get to work to a healthier you. If you are not a member of the church or a college student, still seek help. Make your mental health a priority by fitting it into a budget to get professional help.

Whatever it is you are going through, please don’t quit on yourself. If you are suicidal, please reach out for help because it really does get better. Life may suck right now but there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Please call 1-800-273-8255 if you are thinking about suicide, let someone in so it doesn’t feel like you are going through your battle alone. If you practice self-harm of any kind, text CONNECT to 741741 if you are in the  United States. Help is out there, but you do have to want it and then put in the work to reach that light at the end of the tunnel.

If you are happy and doing great in life, keep moving forward, learn new things, still do the check-ins, practice self-care, perfect your morning and evening routine and stay alert because you never know when your next battle will be.

 Let’s make 2019 a year for growth.

Until the next time my darlings,

Soms!