So a little insider on me…I am a hopeless romantic. Ever since my first fairy tale, I have never been the same. And yes at my grown age of twenty-one, I still cry at Titanic, Tangled, Everything Everything, the list can go on and on. The plot to these movies are simple, boy meets girl, girl likes boy, they become friends, boom slow romantic music as they kiss with the sunset in the background. For all the other romantics out there reading, you’re probably thinking “oh my goodness goals.”
Before getting into a relationship, nine times out of ten your close friends will advise you “make sure the person that you are going to be with is a friend first.” Good advice, but there are those friends that are just meant to be friends and nothing more. Just because you have a friend of the opposite sex that you find very attractive and have a lot of things in common, doesn’t mean that you guys should be together romantically. Yes, there are those special cases, but make sure you know for sure before ruining a great friendship.
Now here is a story about a time I actually almost ruined a friendship by telling the guy that I had a 13% crush on him. Yes…I put my feelings into numbers, I took the time to actually break it down. Is he attractive, very much so but are we compatible? No. The butterflies in my stomach were telling me that “we are both pursuing the Lord, both from Dallas, you’re handsome, I’m cute, so let’s do this thing!” So day by day I kept trying to turn those 13% feelings to 90%, all because we had a friendship, and I thought we would have more. Two things came from that stage in life. It made our actual friendship very awkward, and uncomfortable. Also, he didn’t have any feelings towards me… moving on… my darlings, just because you and the opposite sex are friends, doesn’t mean y’all are destined for a romantic relationship. I have learned that some friends are JUST friendships, nothing more. For those that made it out of the friend zone, then good for you! Enjoy and help each other grow. Below are some tips I gathered from people talking about this topic.
A homie but in a romantic way.
- Communicate if it’s honestly eating you up inside and it feels like you just can’t go on without them knowing how you feel. Tell them. The worst thing they can say is no. If they say that they feel the same, then great. Y’all go out and help each other grow! But if they say no, refer to the next tip.
Let’s just be friends. Ooookurrrt.
- When the homie says no to your amazing self, be mature about it and respect their decision. You may need to step back for a few days and maybe a month or so but do not hold their decision against them because not so long ago y’all were friends. Also, remember that there is someone out there waiting on the awesomeness that you are.
Now here are two discussion questions about this topic in the Church with Mary Onishi and Odaro Aisueni.
From what you have seen in the Church, can boys and girl just be friends? Why or Why not? What complicates this?
Mary Onishi: “I believe that it’s not only possible for men and women to just be friends but it is also biblical. In my experience, the Church has brought in to our over-sexualized culture and has lost the brother-sister narrative that is all throughout the bible. I’ve had male friends who have who have seemed scared to be alone with me simply because we are of the opposite sex. In my youth group, guys and girls were often segregated to the point of us learning to almost fear one another. Paul talks about the “oneness” of the church as brothers and sisters in Christ far more than he speaks about marriage. We, the body of Christ, are female and male and we must learn to see each other as potential spouses if we want to be the image of brotherly love to the world that the church is supposed to be.”
Odaro Aisueni: “From my experience, I have seen guys and girls can be friends and should be but many times culture hinders us from being able to experience full community with the opposite sex. It is also a biblical truth for us, this is something Jesus addressed, John 4 is a very liberating chapter with this issue. The fact that Jesus was a Jew and the women was a Samaritan meant they should have had little to no contact. But Jesus crushes that cultural idea. The women show this by saying “you are a Jew and I am a Samaritan woman. How can you ask me for a drink? Now, what complicates this is the obvious our sin and passivity.
What advice would you give someone in a place where they like their friend more than just a friend?
Mary Onishi: “Obviously it’s completely normal to be attracted to someone of the opposite sex, so I do believe male and female friendships are different than same-sex friendships. There’s wisdom in how to navigate your friendships with the opposite sex, this is where healthy boundaries come into play. However, whether or not you develop feelings for someone should not change the fact that you are called to love them as a brother or sister. If you want to move into becoming more than just friends with someone that’s awesome – just never forget to continue to honor them as your brother or sister in Christ regardless of their response.”
Odaro Aisueni: “If you like someone tells them “girl or guy” and if they do not feel the same way not being friends is not the answer that is a sign of immaturity if anything. That goes for people on both sides the one who asked or said no. If someone said no that does not mean they hate you or think lowly of you they just do not see you in a romantic way. And if you said no allow your friend to set boundaries, because asking someone on a date should not ruin a friendship, but it does too many times because people do not know how to handle their emotions nor do they know how to communicate their thoughts.”
Until next time my darlings!